Comments on: AKG – What did their friends think about them marrying a foreign woman?

By: Kat

Kat — Mon, 23 Jun 2014 07:53:09 +0000

It’s great that you both had such easy, positive experiences being introduced to your now in-laws. I had the opposite experience, as did two of my good friends who are also American women married to Korean men. We all met our husbands while living and working in Korea, and we all have children now. But let me tell you…it was hard. None of us were initially accepted, and one still isn’t really. My husband and I had been dating for about 9 months when I met his parents; we were talking about marriage at that point for a couple months (we’re both 30). My first meeting with his parents was very uncomfortable and it was made clear immediately that meeting me was not something they wanted. My husband was told to break up with me immediately. His father would call him every couple of days for weeks after and ask if he’d stopped seeing me yet. Marriage wasn’t an option in their eyes. Well we knew what we wanted…we got pregnant, and even then his parents said it didn’t mean we had to get married! We never HAD to get married; we wanted to! Anyway, it continued to be awkward for a few more months, but by the time we got married, I had been accepted into the family. We had a beautiful moment with my in-laws a couple weeks before the wedding where they handed me down some family jewelry that had belonged to my husband’s grandmother and shared stories of the family history..that was a big turning point, I think. Also, when my family came over to Korea for our wedding and our moms met each other, that was huge, too. I think it helped that they saw me as part of a family and not just a lone wolf come to steal their son away to America. When I got sick and our son was born 7 weeks early, my parents-in-law were there almost every day I was in the hospital…over two weeks. Now with the baby, we see them at least once a week. I’ve gotten to know my parents and three sisters-in-law over the past few months, and now I feel like we’re a family. It’s been about 15 months since I first met my parents-in-law, and our relationship has completely changed since the first meeting. The language barrier is still a big challenge, but I love my Korean family. While it didn’t start easily, I’m so glad to have them in my life!

By: Andréanne

Andréanne — Sun, 22 Jun 2014 23:56:00 +0000

Han would be a very pretty girl. He could be in a girl group hahaha

By: Yoda42

Yoda42 — Fri, 20 Jun 2014 22:37:00 +0000

In reply to Nic (MyKoreanHusband). This is facinating, Nic. You should expand on this in your future post?

By: Grace Buchele

Grace Buchele — Fri, 20 Jun 2014 09:56:00 +0000

I love y’alls honesty on this kind of stuff 🙂
It’s a really interesting window into the similarities and differences of international marriages in Korea (VS Japan).

By: ògp22

ògp22 — Fri, 20 Jun 2014 06:44:00 +0000

What a nice post! My boyfriend is Asian and I am european,and when we first got together,one of his relatives was kind of against it because she said that european girls are not serious and they don’t have family values as Asians do. I was really surprised to be in this kind of situation since my family only asked me if I was happy. His friends were nice about it, congratulating him for getting a white girl. That was also a bit offending to me, as it seemed at the time that they liked me solely because I am white and not because I am genuinely nice. Things are great now, both his relatives and friends appreciate and value the person I am and are actually quite surprised of how similar I am to them and how quickly I can adapt. As Han said in the video, the world is interconnected now and personally I am happy about it, the chances of finding your true soul mate have increased and geography doesn’t have to influence that.

By: dewaanifordrama

dewaanifordrama — Fri, 20 Jun 2014 04:39:00 +0000

In reply to Nic (MyKoreanHusband). I think that is exactly why my friend's mother told him that. His older sister is also a translator, so I wonder a little if their family is also more internationally minded. My friend is in international business trade after all...so yeah. I just thought it was super interesting that this mom would tell him that.

By: Nic (MyKoreanHusband)

Nic (MyKoreanHusband) — Fri, 20 Jun 2014 04:33:00 +0000

In reply to dewaanifordrama. That is really interesting. Many mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law have such strained relationships. It can be really difficult. My mother-in-law was treated terribly by her mother-in-law. Perhaps she (Hugh's grandmother) was treated badly by hers as well and thought it was her right to then treat her daughter-in-law badly. While culturally the mother-in-law is in a higher position and has the right to be domineering, I think a lot also comes down to choice. Like my mother-in-law, even though she was treated terribly, has chosen to be kind to her daughter-in-law. Being foreign is also an advantage in this situation as well if your relationship aims to be bi-cultural. So my mother-in-law accepts that in many ways I will not be like a Korean woman and that can take some strain off the relationship.

By: dewaanifordrama

dewaanifordrama — Fri, 20 Jun 2014 04:21:00 +0000

Thanks so much for sharing! That was a great topic and really interesting. I once had a conversation with a Korean friend and he said that his mother had told him that he should marry a foreigner so that the mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship could have less drama. He said that there are so many expectations between the two that it is stressful for both sides. I thought that was a really interesting thing to say.