On a more serious note, I wanted to clear up one thing. I came across an opinion (from another foreigner, though) that using CORRECT terms for people of different age and status is of principal importance when communicating in Korea and everyone is expected to reveal their age when they first meet, so that they know how to address each other. That, apparently, also applies to foreigners, using Korean. The foreigner in question even said that she only used a specific term to address her husband, and if she ever called him by his name, he’d be “mortally offended” and never forgive her that transgression. I mean…really??? Is it that serious, or is it simply a personal thing, common among one particular family?? Surely, there are a lot of infinitely more serious things in this world to get “mortally offended” by, than just being called by your own name?
Sorry if I sound silly, but I guess I have very little connection with Korean culture (apart from watching 3-4 Korean dramas, haha) so I might be asking stupid questions.

I want to apologize a bit as well. I was hesitant on posting my reply because I was afraid it would be interpreted to be against people learning languages (that’d be silly, I’ve been studying Korean for like 7 years haha my Korean still sux though). Especially in your case, because I know there’s been the controversy recently with people saying you fetishize your husband and other crap like that (so ridiculous omg). I think what you’re doing is fine, but there are definitely people out there who are being problematic with their loose use of Korean in their English. I really tried not to accuse kaekaed too much since I don’t know her.

I don’t know how you can say you use it out of respect, when you literally said you use it even though they don’t want you to. There are English words that you can use that would be just as respectful; you don’t need to use a language that the people you’re talking to don’t speak. If you are speaking Korean, that’s a completely different story. Of course you’d use 오빠 if you’re talking about your older brother in Korean. It’d be silly not to.

There is a difference between learning a language and using random phrases in your English with other people while not speaking Korean. You are married to a Korean person, and part of learning a language is using as much as you can (and substituting a common language that you both know when you get stuck). For example, when I write to people on language learning websites, I put as much as I can in Korean. But sometimes I simply don’t know how to say what I’m trying to say in Korean, so I substitute with English because I know the person speaks some level of English. This is not the same as someone going around calling people oppa and eonni who aren’t Korean and don’t want to be called that. Or talking about how much they sarang someone etc. That’s not learning a language, that’s just using a language to try to make yourself look cuter (read: accessorizing it). People who are actually learning the language and are serious about learning it don’t do that. It is easy to tell because the words they use are very common in kpop/kdramas and are words that pretty much any fan would know and usually they have a complete disregard for grammar (example: those people who call people 누구s when they aren’t really well known; it doesn’t actually make sense in that context). You are trying your best to learn and that is awesome! Even if that means you can only say a few phrases to your husband/friends before you have to use English, you are still doing your best. But that’s different. In the case of your husband, well, he’s your husband and he’s Korean and he’s willing to help you learn. He’s not some random white guy who also doesn’t speak Korean and isn’t even learning Korean, for example.

just looked up Koreaboo. Wow! I didn’t realize people like that really existed. Glad I live a sheltered life (and have a firm grip on reality)

Do I want to know what a Koreaboo is? (Is it like an egg?)

re: my use of oppa/unnie online. (sorry, this is going to be longer then I intended – I had kept it short for a reason) “my big bro/sis” are just too disrespectful for me to use (for any of 5 older siblings) Oppa/unnie are terms of respect that I choose to use online to show some respect for my own siblings. I don’t think I’m being disrespectful to the Korean language or Korean people by trying to show respect to my own family.

Normally, I refer to my siblings by name, but on SNS, I won’t do that because I would be disrespecting their right to privacy.

In real life, if I’m talking to Koreans about my siblings (in Korean (or broken Korean)), I refer to them as Oppa or Unnie. If I’m talking in English, I use “my older sister, ____”

My brothers are annoyed that I’m learning Korean so I’ve said “Oppa, pass the ___” just to annoy them when I was first started learning Korean. I’ve also told an older sister on the way to a Korean festival that if she heard “Unnie” that meant I was talking about her to a Korean. But 99.999% of the time I use their name.

and DamnDongSaeng is because it is shorter then “my little brother who is a torn in my side and a pain in my butt.” and I think it is a funny pun.

As I said, if I genuinely mean no disrespect for Koreans or Korean culture and the language, and if I really am showing disrespect then I need to find another term to show respect for my siblings while keeping their privacy, but English doesn’t have one, yet (English is constantly evolving).
I have an even longer post that I wrote last year.
http://ineptseamstress.wordpress.com/2012/12/04/my-use-of-oppa-unnie/

Mr Gwon was only talking about people using it with Koreans. It would be weird for people to use it with non Koreans if they had no association with Korean culture, but I can understand when it’s teenage girls and they become obsessed with something, it spills over into real life. I’ve been there before.

For example, Koreans girls often call me unnie even if most of what they are saying is in English, because they know I’ve married into Korean culture. Even if someone hasn’t married into Korean culture, but is still in Korea or part of a Korean scene or community, it’s not unusual for a Korean to use those terms with a nonKorean. So in those situations a nonKorean can probably use it with a Korean.

We have to get rid of this idea that people are only ever just speaking Korean or just speaking English. When you are learning a language, what you say often becomes a mix of both languages. Plenty of times I speak only in English but use Korean terms like that. We have to stop bullying people who are trying to learn a language and are using those terms. One of the reasons why I’ve been so slow at being confident to use Korean words is because I never wanted to seem like a Koreaboo that people complain about. I was so scared of what people said about people using Korean words like that, so scared of it seeming like I was “accessorizing a language”.
It was Sophie who finally said to me to ignore all that, and that I was learning Korean and I need to use those words anyway and who cares what people are going to assume. So these days I don’t assume that someone is a Koreaboo and is only using those words to be “cool”, I don’t know them and they could be studying Korean every night for all I know.

Honestly, if you aren’t Korean and you aren’t speaking in Korean (or, the person you are speaking to isn’t Korean or simply doesn’t like it) then you really shouldn’t be using oppa/eonni/dongsaeng/etc. It really doesn’t make any sense for a non-Korean, who is speaking English, to refer to their non-Korean siblings with oppa/eonni/dongsaeng. It’s not something you grew up with, you just think it sounds cool. Just call them by their name especially since you said they don’t like it. Even doing it online isn’t necessary. “my big bro” is about the same length as “my oppa”. I’m not Korean so I don’t have ultimate say over this but I do know, Mr. Gwon is Korean and so it seems okay for it to be said *to him* because it’s something he grew up with and he is used to people using those words for him (he also specified that it should be used in appropriate context, such as when you are close with the person, and they are fine with you saying it). But other Korean people really dislike when people use those words for non-Koreans while not speaking Korean and it makes you come off like a Koreaboo who is accessorizing a language.

TL;DR: If you’re speaking Korean and using those words it’s perfectly fine. If you’re not speaking Korean, and you’re speaking to someone who isn’t Korean, you probably should avoid it.