Hierarchy in Korean families is much more obvious. I always wonder what Hugh would be like if he had a brother older than him, or even one younger than him. He only has one younger sister (who he is very bossy to).

I’m the eldest out of my siblings but it doesn’t mean much in Australian culture. I never really feel older or that I have any power over my siblings.

Being the only son of course automatically means he is “Number 1 Son” which is a position in Korean society that has a lot of benefits and it’s normal for his mother to dote on him. So when he wants to eat something in particular – he gets it! I notice a big drop in the quality and quantity of dinner when he is not at home. When he goes out with friends, his mother doesn’t bother too much and we just eat ramen or some rice and side dishes. Sometimes it bothers me that his parents don’t eat as well when he isn’t there because I think they deserve nice food as well, and need to look after their health. But it’s so normal here for parents to put their children first. Even their adult married sons.

We were talking about respectful terms for in-laws and what my siblings should call him if they were Korean. I told him he could ask them to call him that, but he thinks they are “too naughty” and wouldn’t.

Understanding cultural differences is so important! What he deems “naughty” is pretty normal behaviour in Australia because ours values differ. Something seen as good, such as an easy and casual way of speaking regardless of someone’s age, can be offensive in Korea. He knows it’s just cultural difference, but he still likes to say they are naughty… especially when he sees my youngest brother pat my father on the head. Shock, horror!

“All my inlaws are very warm and kind to me, especially my mother-in-law… but she is also very cheeky! Saying her name Like I did would sound extremely rude to a Korean! I laugh at it now, but I was so embarrassed that first time.”

It works like a swear jar and later when there is a lot of money they’ll buy something nice for everyone with it. You aren’t supposed to put money in it in anticipation of speaking Korean though! My husband does things his way though.

It has become like a game where people try to catch the others out. Someone will ask a question in Korean from just outside of the kitchen and the person in the kitchen will automatically answer in Korean and get caught out and have to pay.

My husband just got caught out because he was on the phone and speaking in Korean and standing in the kitchen. My mum saw him and told him, “You’ve used up your dollar!”

He went and put another dollar in and proclaimed that he can now speak Korean 5 more times and my mum said, “You don’t really get how this works do you?”

Hehehe… I’m the only one allowed to speak Korean in the kitchen.

Click here to read about it here on the EBS site.

Here is a translation of that page. Thank you Joohyun Chong.

호주 새댁 니콜라의 한국 방문기

“한국에서는 순홍 씨한테  저와 결혼 잘했다고 하지만
호주에서는 저보고 순홍 씨와 결혼을 잘했다고 해요.
사람마다 보는 눈은 다르지만 생각해 보면 우리는 행복해요“

–니콜라 권–

In Korea people tell Soonhong that he is lucky to have me as wife but in Australia, people tell me that I am lucky to have him as husband. Everyone has a different point of view but we think we are happy.

호주여자 니콜라 씨와 한국남자 순홍 씨.
순홍 씨는 유학으로 간 호주에서
니콜라 씨를 보고 첫눈에 반해, 끝없는 구애 끝에 결혼에 골인했다.
한국인 남편과 결혼 후 한국에 대한 애정이 더 커진 니콜라 씨.
한국 음식은 물론이고 음악, 역사까지 관심을 갖고 더 알고 싶어한다.
한국문화를 배우고자 한국에 대해 검색하다
Aussie girl Nichola and Korean man Soon hong

When Soon hong went to Australia to study he saw Nic and fell in love at first sight. He wooed her continuously and they finally got married.

Nic has shown affection toward Korea and is eager to learn about Korea even food, music and history and she searches about Korea since she got married.

인터넷에 ‘한국남자’에 대해 검색을 한 니콜라 씨.
한국 남자에 대해 온통 부정적인 글 밖에 없다는 사실을 알게 된다.
그것이 속상했던 니콜라 씨는 한국남자에 대한 인식을 바꿔보기로 마음먹는다.
미술을 전공을 했던 니콜라 씨가 선택한 방법은
한국인 남편과의 행복한 결혼생활을 웹툰으로 그려 블로그에 올리는 것!
그렇게 해서 시작한 ‘마이 코리안 허즈밴드’라는 제목의 웹툰은 지금
니콜라 씨와 같은 처지의 외국인 여성들에게 큰 공감과 인기를 얻고 있다.
웹툰의 인기가 날로 상승하던 중, 니콜라 씨 부부에게 걸려온 전화 한통.
한국 출판사에서 니콜라 씨의 웹툰을 책으로 내고 싶다며출판 제의가 들어온 것이다

When she searched ‘Korean men’ on internet, she realized that there were only negative postings. She felt upset so she tried to change the negative perception toward Korean men.

She did this by drawing web-toons about ‘happy marriage with Korean man’ because she majored in art, and posted them on the blog.

That’s how ‘My Korean Husband’ started and the web-toon has become popular and has gained a lot of sympathy from foreign wives like Nic.

While her web-toon has increased its popularity, Nic and Soon hong had a phone call from Korean publisher asking if they wanted to publish a book about Nic’s web-toon

부부는 벅찬 마음으로 곧장 한국 행 티켓을 끊는다.
출판 계약과 더불어 1년 만의 한국 나들이에 신이 난 니콜라 씨와 순홍 씨.
아들보다 며느리가 더 좋다는 시부모님과 흥미로운 문화가 있는 한국에서
이들 부부는 어떤 경험을 하게 될까?
그녀의 만화처럼 유쾌한 호주 새댁 니콜라 씨의 한국 방문기를 함께 해본다.
Nic and Soon hong were really excited and bought airplane tickets immediately.

They were excited to go to Korea (they haven’t been to Korea for 1 year) as well getting a contract with the publisher. What kind of experience could they have in Korea where a mother in law loves her daughter in law more than her son?

Let’s have a look at this delightful girl visiting Korea like her web toon.

밥상에서 배우는 서로의 문화 
시부모님과 함께하는 아침 식사시간.
맛있는 반찬이 가득 차려진 밥상이지만 니콜라 씨는 딸기만 집어 먹는다.
일주일에 한 번은 꼭 한국음식을 먹어야 직성이 풀리는 니콜라 씨지만,
짜고 매운 한국음식을 아침부터 먹기에는 아직 부담스럽기 때문이다.
니콜라 씨가 빵에 발라 먹기 위해 가져왔다며 꺼낸 건,
한국인에게는 맛도 이름도 생소한 호주식 잼 ‘베지마이트’
야채를 숙성해 만들어 한국의 된장처럼 짠맛이 특징이다.
니콜라가 내민 ‘베지마이트’를 시어머니가 과감하게 손가락으로 찍어 맛을 본다.
그러나 입에 넣자마자 얼굴이 구겨지는 시어머니,
Learn their culture at the breakfast table.

Having breakfast with parents in law. There are lots of delicious side dishes on the table but Nic only eats the strawberries. She has to eat Korean food at least once a week but it is a burden to eat salty and spicy Korean food in the morning.

She brings out her vege-mite (which looks like  Australian jam to the Koreans) from Aussie which is unfamiliar for Koreans both in its name and its taste.

It is made of fermented vegetables and its feature is salty like Korean soy bean paste.

Nic’s mother in law tastes with her finger without hesitation but the moment she put it in the mouth her face becomes creased (screwed up).

싱크대로 달려가 입을 헹구며 한바탕 난리가 난다.
그 모습을 보고 웃음이 터진 가족들.
니콜라 씨는 자신도 한국 음식을 처음 먹었을 때,
익숙하지 않은 맛에 당황스러웠던 적이 많다며 시어머니의 반응을 이해한다.
서로의 문화가 맞지 않아도 웃으며 받아들이는 니콜라 씨 가족들.
다름을 인정하고 서로를 배려하는 그들의 가족애는 날로 깊어 간다.
She instantly runs towards the sink like headless chicken, and rinses her mouth.

They all burst in laughter.

When Nic had Korean food for the first time, she experienced embarrassment because of the unfamiliar taste of Korean food, so she understands her mother in law’s reaction.

Nic’s family is open to their different culture. They accept the difference and take care of each other, so their love of family is getting deeper.

니콜라 씨 부부의 첫 번째 어버이날Nic’s and Soonhong’s the first parent day in Korea.

어머니의 날, 아버지의 날이 따로 있는 호주와 달리
부모님 두 분 모두에게 감사의 인사를 드리는 한국의 어버이날.

There is only parents day for thanking the parents, not like Australia where there is mother’s day and father’s day.
니콜라 씨는 결혼하고 처음으로 맞는 어버이날을 한국에서 보내게 되어 내심 기쁘다.

They were so happy to be in Korea, for the first parents day, since their marriage.
자신을 친자식처럼 아껴주는 시부모님의 은혜에 보답할 수 있는

절호의 기회이기 때문이다.

Because it is the best chance to pay off her parents in law, who love her like their own daughter.
어버이날 전날 밤, 남편 순홍 씨와 머리를 맞대고 고민한 끝에 결정한
선물 준비를 위해 밤늦게까지 잠을 이루지 못하는 니콜라 씨.

The night before parents day, Nic and Soonhong think over for their presents for his, so she couldn’t get to sleep until late that night.
어버이 날 당일, 니콜라 씨 부부가 이른 오전부터 인쇄소로 향한다.

On parents day, Nic and Soonhong go to a printing shop in the morning.
이들 부부가 인쇄소로 향한 건 어버이날 선물 마지막 작업을 위해서라는데….

The reason they go to the printing shop is to finish up their parents day presents.
시어머니를 울린 니콜라 씨의 깜짝 선물은 과연 무엇일까?

What would the surprise present for her mother in law be, which makes her mother in law cry?
가족 모두가 감동의 눈물을 흘리게 된 니콜라 씨의 첫 번째 어버이날 풍경을 함께한다

Let’s have a look Nic’s first parent’s day and find out what makes the family so moved.

I’m a party pooper, but I didn’t think that him eating sticky honey chicken on the daybed, while playing computer games, was a good idea. He might be cheeky while Mum is not here, but if she walked through the door right now he’d be jumping up and apologising profusely.

My parents are in Japan because my brother just graduated from the Tokyo School of Music. They went to his graduation and are now spending about a month travelling around Japan with him. My husband’s sister and her boyfriend will be staying in my home town at my parents’ house while on their working holiday visas. My parents already have a Korean couple boarding with them (as well as renting the house next door out to Korean guys) so even though we are in a rural part of Australia, in my parents’ houses there are plenty of Koreans. So right now I’m the odd one out. Even though this is the Australian house I grew up in, there are 5 Koreans here right now. I’m the one that can’t always follow the conversations.

My husband has spent so much time here that he is really comfortable in this house and it’s like home for him too, which is why he is just lounging around and wanting to eat on the nice cushions.

Maybe they shouldn’t be learning from me… I should have told them that yes you always have to press it 3 times hehehe.

Traffic crossings are different in Korea. I noticed they tend to be lights and a pedestrian/zebra crossing and you can only cross when the lights change (people who live in Korea, tell me if there are other kinds, I can’t remember). And cars don’t seem to stop in Korea, even when pedestrians have right of way, there are cars sneaking across the crossing! In Australia, the traffic light crossings and pedestrian/zebra crossings are two different things. Traffic light crossings are usually at intersections but pedestrian/zebra crossings can be anywhere. The most important difference is that in Australia if you are on a pedestrian/zebra crossing cars HAVE to stop!

Many times in Australia, I’ve stepped out onto a pedestrian/zebra crossing and a Korean friend will hold me back saying, “Nichola! How can you cross? There are cars!”

I explain that all cars have to stop at these crossings so we don’t stand at the side waiting for the cars, because once they approach the crossing they slow down and stop.

One Korean friend said, “What if it’s a Korean driver?”

Yes… didn’t have an answer for that!

Sometimes you don’t notice things about your own country or city until someone from another country points it out.

We were walking around an area where there are a lot of people running, BUT it’s not unusual to see a guy in the city area with his shirt off too. That’s not really done in Korea.

Because of my husband’s work schedule, we aren’t always with his sister and her boyfriend together, so there are times when I’m the only one looking after them. They can’t really speak English, so my very poor Korean skills are being put to the test. I need to study!

I was born in Korea, but came to the US when I was 2. In 1978, I was 8 years old and my parents bought a leather bound set of the World Book Encyclopedia. I turned to Korea and the first sentence read, “The Koreans are a stoic people.”

Do you find your husband or his parents to be stoic at all?

I found this to be true of the immigrants to the US from my parent’s generation.

So the modern meaning of stoic is something like being indifferent, detached and calm, or unaffected by adversity. So I’m guessing that Encyclopedia meant that Koreans had remained strong and seemingly unemotional through much adversity. There is also the meaning relating to a school of philosophy where people should be unmoved by passions and emotions and submit without complaint. There are definitely elements of this “submit without complaint” through Korea’s history as they endured many many wars over the centuries. Both Japan and China invaded them many times, sometimes even had wars against each other IN Korea. Korea, being the smaller country learned how to endure this and just carry on.

If we look at the time period, the 1960’s and 1970’s, it’s actually not that long after the Korean War. And before the Korean War was World War II and the Japanese occupation. Koreans had endured a lot! I’m sure being stoic was a way of coping with the hardships they faced, especially during this time. Any Koreans leaving Korea around that time would have taken those values with them.

South Korea, however, has changed incredibly since the 1960’s and 1970’s. South Korea’s economy improved dramatically. There was rapid industrialization, improved living standards, urbanization, modernization: South Korea went from being a war torn country receiving foreign aid, to a wealthy, developed country that could now give out aid to other countries. Quite a transformation. This of course affects the national character of South Koreans and how Korean express themselves now is probably quite different from how Koreans were over 50 years ago.

So what are Koreans like now? I actually find them to be very expressive in general. The relationships they have with others are extremely important, socializing is important and their friendships are expressed openly. It’s not unusual for girls to hold hands and for guys to show a lot of physical affection to male friends. They can react very outwardly emotionally to things, not hiding their feelings at all. I think that stoic character is limited to only some of older generation now and I definitely wouldn’t say all Koreans are like that now.

When people move to another country they try to take their culture with them and hold tightly onto it. Not only Koreans, but many other people from many countries do this as well. What can happen though, as the years pass, is they end up holding onto a culture that is from many years ago and meanwhile the culture in their homeland has changed a lot. Especially if they rarely visit Korea as well and are in a community of other families that all migrated at a similar time. What they view as essential Korean culture may now not be the same as what Koreans in Korea think is essential culture. There may be some views that are out-dated or emphasis on certain aspects that have since faded away in Korea.

This is why sometimes non-Koreans have more problems marrying into an American Korean family or Australian Korean family, but my husband’s family, who live in a small conservative town in rural Korea, actually had no problems with him marrying a non-Korean. But for Koreans that migrated, perhaps they place more importance on marrying only Koreans.

I do remember meeting an American guy who, when heard that my boyfriend was Korean, warned me about Korean families and how they will never accept me etc. His only experience with Koreans was Korean communities in the US, not Koreans actually living in Korea.

Korea is still changing rapidly and people who leave the country for as little as 5 years, can return and be surprised at the change. So I think the character of Korea is constantly changing and evolving.

My husband is definitely not stoic at all. It doesn’t take much to move him emotionally and he feels things deeply and has no problems with expressing it as well. Though he knows how to cope with hard times, he sees no point in bottling up feelings.

My husband’s parents are very expressive in their love for me. We always say “I love you” on the phone. They are always openly concerned about my husband and me and always express how they want us to have a happy life. They have a small farm and work very hard. Sometimes after a long day, when we talk to them on the phone, they say that even though their bodies are sore and they are tired, all the pain and tiredness goes away when they hear our voices. They are comfortable expressing themselves like that.

My husband’s parents don’t speak any English and my Korean is very basic but my father-in-law likes to try and express himself by singing. He knows some English pop songs from years ago. And tries to use them to communicate with me.

So, in conclusion, while stoicism was definitely essential for Koreans in order to survive in the past, Korea and Koreans are rapidly changing and that definition may not be applicable now.

That’s just my opinion drawn from my own reading and experiences.