Korea has such a late night drinking culture! This can be really frustrating if you don’t want to go out late or can’t. There are so many factors like who they are with, if there are hyungs (older friends) there, if the drinking is to do with work or if it’s friends they rarely see. All these things can cause late nights. The concept of what is late can differ from what you are used to as well. Many many people stay out until the sun is coming up. Hugh in particular, is such a social butterfly while I’d rather stay in. This comic was actually something that happened last year with all our friends, I vaguely remember it being put on social media as well. The boys made sure we weren’t too annoyed at them staying out late by wearing ahjumma pants (floral pants favoured by middle aged women).

We get many many emails from girls from around the world who have started relationships with Korean guys online and have expected a serious relationship and are distraught when it doesn’t turn out like that. We also get worrying emails from girls who say their online boyfriend – who they have never met – is usually sweet to them but sometimes he makes her uncomfortable or pressures her (with sexual questions) or is bad in some way. To Hugh, it’s very obvious that the Korean guy is just messing with the girl and doesn’t view it seriously at all, but it’s very hard to answer this emails and know that the girl’s heart is probably breaking. So that’s why we want to just warn people in the first place. We always want to make positive videos about international relationships, but we also need to stress that not every relationship is healthy, especially ones with someone they have never met and where the glossy, glitzy world of Kpop and Kdramas has blinded someone from seeing the truth. It got to the point where we needed to address it in a video. I also get messages from girls asking how they can find a Korean husband and the guy being Korean is the most important to them. Hugh secretly frequents chatrooms and conversations online where people from around the world are interested in Korea and sees a lot of people with very idealized views of Korean men and this can manifest in bad ways like hating Korean women and then getting into bad and sometimes dangerous relationships.

It’s very difficult to talk about the stigma of single mothers in Korea… because it sucks… it’s very slowly changing, but it can be very confronting when you realise how deeply ingrained this stigma is. As the world changes and Koreans travel more and live in other countries, there are a lot more babies born out of wedlock but unfortunately the women can be unaware of how it is viewed in Korea. That’s why we want to urge people to be so careful. In Korea it’s still so important to do things the traditional way of getting parents’ approval before getting married and being married before any pregnancy takes place. As Hugh has mentioned before, there is a lack of sex education in Korea, so don’t expect a guy to have protection. Be careful in situations that could lead to an unexpected pregnancy. It could end up being way more difficult than you imagined.

I do also get asked questions from single mothers who are interested in a Korean man in particular and are concerned because they already had children. It depends on the individual, but the social stigma can play a big part, even if they are not in Korea. So in general it’s much harder for single mothers to pursue relationships with Korean men unfortunately. It wasn’t that long ago in western culture that there was a huge stigma as well and to this day there is so much inequality in regards to single parents. Think about how single fathers are lauded for trying so hard for their children and are forgiven for mistakes, while single mothers have terrible assumptions made about them and are held way more accountable. Before judging Korea too harshly we can look at the problems in our own cultures too.

I also wanted to clarify that when we talked about prostitution, we don’t want to put down sex workers because we realise how much sexism and inequality lead to this huge industry. We are definitely of the opinion of legalising and better conditions for sex workers and that Korea should be addressing and stopping sex trafficking and all the problems that are in this huge industry that people turn a blind eye to.

Many many topics come under the broad umbrella of Dating and Marriage, so please let us know if there is one you want us to talk about in particular.

Hierarchy in Korean families is much more obvious. I always wonder what Hugh would be like if he had a brother older than him, or even one younger than him. He only has one younger sister (who he is very bossy to).

I’m the eldest out of my siblings but it doesn’t mean much in Australian culture. I never really feel older or that I have any power over my siblings.

Being the only son of course automatically means he is “Number 1 Son” which is a position in Korean society that has a lot of benefits and it’s normal for his mother to dote on him. So when he wants to eat something in particular – he gets it! I notice a big drop in the quality and quantity of dinner when he is not at home. When he goes out with friends, his mother doesn’t bother too much and we just eat ramen or some rice and side dishes. Sometimes it bothers me that his parents don’t eat as well when he isn’t there because I think they deserve nice food as well, and need to look after their health. But it’s so normal here for parents to put their children first. Even their adult married sons.

Whenever I talk to other Caucasian women married to Korean men often the conversation eventually comes around to ‘What deodorant do you use? Which one is best?’

For those that don’t know, the majority of Korean and Japanese populations have a genetic mutation that means they don’t get the bacteria in their arm pits (because less of a certain sweat gland) that causes BO (body odour) that the rest of the world gets. So they don’t have to wear deodorant and never ever get that smell. That’s why when you do get the (very normal) BO smell and are married to a Korean person you have to be super careful because that smell will be even more offensive to them. Like it sucks in Australia when there are stinky people right? But we are pretty used to that smell even though it’s still gross. Imagine what it’s like for someone that rarely ever has to be around that smell and is suddenly bombarded with it.

Being in Korea means that lately I’ve rarely had to be overwhelmed with that type of body odour because I’m pedantic about not having it myself and I’m just always around Koreans, so when I do come across it in Seoul – wow it’s a shock! I forgot what it’s like. It lingers too. We have got into taxis and there has been a lingering smell and it’s like, “Foreigners have been in this taxi”. It’s something to consider when visiting or living in Korea and Japan – will your body odour cause some problems?

Mr Gwon saying “eww” at me putting deodorant on is just running joke between us. It’s something we always joke about. I am seriously jealous of Koreans not needing deodorant.

Some additional points: I recommend Dove or Rexona Clinical Care deodorants. They are a little bit more expensive but work so much better than normal deodorants. Also, Korean people can still get odours like anyone else- bad breath, feet smell etc, BUT they won’t get that universal BO smell from the armpits that everyone else gets. A few days without showering will produce a milder sour smell rather than the gut-wrenching, kill me now, smell that people can get!

We also joke about whether our kids will inherit the no smell Korean gene or be stuck with the stinky white gene. It’s a lottery and can go either way. I guess we will find out when they hit puberty and we sit them down and be like, “Congratulations!” or “I’m very sorry. You stink. Here’s some deodorant”.

Hi, Sophie here!

Since Han and I appeared together with our daughter Alice on My Korean Husband, many people have asked about whether we will raise Alice as a bilingual and how we plan to do so. The answer is definitely yes, but the method may require a little explanation.

When Alice was born, friends and relatives told me that the best way for a baby to become bilingual is if one parent speaks one language, the other parent, the other language (OPOL method) I think this method is very successful when the primary caregiver is also the speaker of the minority language since the child gets maximum exposure to both languages. In our family’s case I am the primary caregiver and also the speaker of the majority language, how could I give Alice enough exposure and context to speak Korean as well as English? We decided we’d both speak to her only in Korean.

I’ve got Korean textbooks for travel, business, student life and even domestic life, but none of them teach the language of raising babies, or the little elements of culture and play that are handed down through generations of mothers.

I’ve decided to try and fill this gap through my blog: thedaughterinlaw.com
I will share all the characteristic grammar, expressions, essential vocabulary and Korean family culture and manners that I have gradually learnt parenting Alice.
I will also discuss other elements of family culture, Korean ettiquette and maybe share some of my experiences as Han’s wife, Alice’s mum and as a Korean family’s daughter in law.

My husband has worked in Australian workplaces so knows about the laws about racism and discrimination. He knows his rights at work and when to make a complaint about something. He is not working in Australia any more but is applying those things to other areas of life now! So apparently I’m racist against octopuses because I won’t eat them but I eat prawns…

Hope you guys enjoyed this bit of silliness.

I think I won in the end and made him come over to my bed. So we’ve moved into a much better place but we haven’t got everything sorted yet. Still need a double bed and some other stuff.

We are sharing with another couple who I kinda already knew so looks like things will be a lot better here. If you are wondering why we just don’t get an apartment to ourselves – it’s not that we are super poor – Sydney is just so expensive! Especially where we need to live (it’s cheaper the further you go out into the suburbs but we need to be in an expensive area because of work). Studio apartment prices start at about $450 a WEEK. So it’s cheaper to just share. Sydney is a beautiful city but there are a lot of problems too. I wish developers would stop putting in luxury apartments and just put in normal apartments people can afford.

He got me good. He had the wig because people were given them at an event at his workplace.

You know when you realise it’s not someone to not be scared of, but your body is slow at realising that? Like right away my brain is like, “Oh it’s just him” but my body was like “AHHHHHH SCARY!” It took me a little while to calm down.

So at the moment he is winning the scaring game.