One of the reasons why we went back to Australia was for my brother’s wedding. Yul was a page boy! It was also his first Australian wedding and he enjoyed himself immensely. Australian weddings are much longer, and bigger events, than Korean weddings so it went for many hours. Modern Korean weddings don’t usually have a wedding reception with speeches and dancing like weddings in western countries. We did wonder how Yul would cope with all the people and long hours and noise. But he did really well! Having a flexible lifestyle with him does really help in these situations as he adapts well.

He also did such a good job of walking down the aisle with his second cousins. I wasn’t sure if he’d be able to, but since he’d had some practice he knew exactly what to do on the day. Even though there was a heat wave, the wedding was beautiful and we are so happy to welcome my brother’s wife into our family. She is Chinese Malaysian, so they also had a ceremony in Malaysia and celebrated lunar new year there. My parents and my other brother also went to Malaysia for those celebrations too. We had to head back to Korea for lunar new year here though.

If you watch the video to the very end you can see Yul in his hanbok in the car (that Hugh is controlling). We didn’t buy him that car! Friends bought it for him, but he really does love it.

He admitted that he might have really thought the word was “bride’s mate” instead of “bridesmaid”. Which is completely understandable! The bridesmaids are the friends of the bride and in Australia we use the word “mate” for friend.

Is there a word that you have been saying wrong and then one day just finally realised?

We are now at my parents’ house so are settling back into a somewhat normal schedule for the next 2 weeks. We have been super busy in Seoul, then travelling to Australia and then with wedding stuff in Sydney. I don’t know if videos will be on our normal schedule but we will putting more up from now.

In 2008, although I had spent some time living in Sydney, at this point I was back living in my home town which is in a more rural area. The area I’d grown up in was predominately white Australian but my parents had always encouraged us (I have 3 other siblings) to look beyond the boundaries of our home town. My youngest brother already had an interest in Japan (he speaks Japanese and now lives there) and we always were excited about experiencing new cultures. All these seemingly little things put me on the path to where I am today.

Because our home town is in a more rural area there were work opportunities for people on working holiday visas and in 2008 there were quite a few Koreans living there temporarily. Through my brother, who had already met several Koreans, I made a lot of Korean friends and this was my first experience of Korean culture. I cringe thinking back and realising was pretty clueless back then.

By the beginning of 2009 though, I’d moved back to Sydney. My youngest brother and I lived in a big share apartment in the CBD of Sydney with both Japanese and Korean people. I was gradually being exposed to more Korean culture and understanding more. I have to make clear that all my Korean friends were Koreans in Australia for a few years, not Australian Koreans – there can be quite a big difference. I had a few Korean boyfriends as well (but not at the same time!). Mostly not that serious, though one I thought might have been. When you have a relationship with someone from a different culture it’s easy to blame their culture if things go wrong. Especially if you don’t understand that much about their culture. If you google about Korean husbands you may find a lot of negative stuff that people put down as “Korean culture” but actually it’s often more to do with the Korean man’s personality. I did that back then as well; at various times saying “I’d never date another Korean man again.” However, even back then I was drawn to Korean culture and it was probably inevitable that I’d end up with a Korean man. After a few bad boyfriends I eventually made more friends and had more exposure to Korean men and realised there are some of the cultural aspects that I actually prefer.

By the time I met my future husband in 2010 I knew some Korean words, I could eat Korean food, and I understood a bit more about Korean culture. This all helped because I’d gone through those early difficult stages of not understanding some cultural things and having to adjust my ideas before meeting him, so that didn’t have to put a strain on our early relationship. He had also dated a Canadian girl previously, so it wasn’t the first time he’d dated a white western girl either.

At that point in my life most of my Korean friends had gone back to Korea and I was really missing them. I didn’t really have anyone to go out to Korean restaurants with etc. At this time my husband advertised for language exchange online. I answered because I was keen to make some more friends and he added me on facebook and we chatted a bit.

A group of us met in the city the next day. I will always remember standing there and waiting outside the coffee shop and my future husband stepping out in front of me saying my name. He was better looking in person than his facebook photos but I wasn’t immediately attracted. The group of us sat in the coffee shop and talked and I soon realised his English was quite good and he had so many stories to tell as he’d spent years traveling around. He’d first come to Australia in 2006 and back then couldn’t speak any English at all and knew nothing about Australia but now it was obvious that he knew quite a lot. The group of us spent the rest of the day together – dinner, noraebang etc, it was quite eventful. Also this was when this happened: First Meetings and G-Dragon.

Also at some point my future husband sat down with me and told me he wanted to be my boyfriend! He told me something like:

“I’m not a really handsome guy, I’m not rich, I’m not really smart but… I will do everything I possibly can to make you happy.”

But I said no… I wasn’t looking for a boyfriend at that point and was enjoying being single. I let him start pursuing me though and we started seeing each other every day. One aspect of Korean culture became a problem for us though: Koreans see relationships as either completely single or completely dating and not really anything in-between. So all his Korean friends and some of mine were saying “You guys are boyfriend and girlfriend aren’t you? You are a couple.” And we’d say, “No, we are just getting to know each other and seeing how things go.” I know this started to get stressful for him because he couldn’t explain our relationship to other Koreans but he didn’t put pressure on me.

One of the reasons why I was hesitating about making our relationship official was because I knew he was a wonderful guy and if I said yes and we started dating properly, I knew that I’d marry him because I’d never be able to let him go. But, I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that yet. I was never the type longing to settle down and be a wife and pop out babies. I had big plans! I wanted to see the world.

It soon became apparent that I’d never be able to give him up and we wanted to always be together, so we acknowledged we were now a couple. I also had started to realise that I didn’t necessarily have to give up any dreams to be with him. I can do all the things I want to do with him and in fact being with him opens up even more experiences than before. Every day I fell more and more in love with him. He is an extremely kind man and we are really well matched. He is enthusiastic and always open to trying new things, and discovering new things. And so funny. He makes me laugh so much. Sometimes I think he is a comic genius. He shows his humor in a way that is often so serious, that if someone doesn’t know him they may actually think he is being a bit dumb, but actually his understanding of humor and comedic timing is really good.

Here is a photo of us early on.

And when the Korean Navy was in town:

My parents loved him when they met him and said he was the best guy I’d ever dated. Once we were officially dating it didn’t take much longer than 6 months before marriage was talked about. It was quite early on that we knew we were going to marry each other but we didn’t announce it until after I’d met his family in Korea. That all went really well (none of that evil mother in law stuff like in Korean dramas) and the wedding planning started.

At about that time we had our visas issues. READ ABOUT IT HERE.

So we had three weddings. Our larger Australian wedding was earlier this year in April. Here are a few photos:

I’m still waiting to get digital copies of the professional photos of our traditional Korean wedding but once I do I’ll show some on here.

So now we live in Sydney, which is good because there are many Koreans here. Instead of expecting him to adopt Australian culture we aim to be bi-cultural. I never want him to give up his Korean-ness. We don’t have many problems with cultural differences and we have a rule that when we struggle with a cultural difference we can’t say “That’s wrong” but instead we should acknowledge that it’s just “different”. The things that are more difficult have nothing to do with cultural differences actually. Most Australian men that are the age of my husband (around the 30 mark) usually have a car, have a decent job, are putting a deposit on a house. But my husband has to start again in a new country so there are some struggles but nothing too difficult. Marrying him was the best thing I’ve ever done and I love that I’m constantly learning about another culture. We are really really happy… which I hope you can see from my blog!

AND…Tomorrow there will be a guest post where someone else will share their story!

So that is our visa story! It is one of the biggest problems for couples that are from different countries. People don’t really understand how stressful it is unless they’ve been through it themselves. Although we got married then, we didn’t really count it as our real wedding yet. We didn’t become a real married couple until our big wedding. Both our parents were really supportive through it all and had no problems with us marrying quickly like that.

You do hear stupid comments from other people though. Some people seem to get weirdly annoyed when someone is given residency based on their relationship. And if someone marries to hurry along the visa process well….. watch out for stupid comments! You’ll hear people saying “There are other ways to get into Australia.” No there isn’t. It is really difficult to get sponsorship to stay in Australia. There is not just some miracle visa people can apply for to stay… the only way my husband could live in Australia was through his relationship to me.

Some Australians seem to think that it’s really easy to get into Australia! But of course anyone who has tried to go through the rigmarole of Australian Immigration knows otherwise. And if you marry someone from another country some people are suspicious. There were even comments from extended family members about how my husband would leave me after a few years because he was just using me to get into Australia…. Yup. A lot of stupid comments.

Not only is it difficult because of judgmental people but because there really are people who do fake marriages to get residency. Because of this, the process of getting this visa is upsetting and invasive. We had to show personal emails, photos, phone records… details of your life that are just between you and your partner you have to submit to some faceless immigration officer in an office!

One of the most frustrating aspects is that most people simply do not understand what you have to go through. If you complain about all the intimate details Immigration wants someone will just say, “But they need it for a reason.” They really do not understand how horrible the process is. We spent weeks and weeks spending almost every day putting together our application. My husband was on a tourist visa, he could not work, he could not study and technically he could be kicked out of the country if Immigration wanted to do that. Our backup plan, if he didn’t get the visa, was for me to just pack up my life and move to Korea with him. Not that ideal.

In the end we were so lucky. Most people wait months, some even years, before their visa is granted. My husband’s visa being granted in just 3 days was amazing!

If you are going through this visa process at the moment, I sympathize!

So we actually had three weddings. The registry office one in Australia to prove to Immigration that we were serious, our Australian wedding for all our family and friends and then our traditional Korean wedding in Korea. So question is… which anniversary should we celebrate???

Of course all our money is shared but he organises it. Traditionally in Korea (and Japan) the woman manages the money but we decided it is better that my husband does the managing. I’m a creative type and not exactly good with money (and we are poor newlyweds at the moment).

We got a lot of nice presents but haven’t used them yet, even though our wedding was months ago, because we haven’t found a new place to live in Sydney yet. We have them piled up in a spare room at my parent’s house. Sometimes I like to go in and just look at them and say “Mine mine! These are all mine!” Hehe, I’ve never owned such nice things before.

Oh dear. This happened far too many times. At first I hoped it was just the slip of the tongue and they accidentally said the wrong name but really they knew we went to South Korea for our traditional wedding. Then I realised many people couldn’t actually remember where my husband was from, even though they’d met him and even had conversations with him. Is he just some generic Asian man to them? Asia is a country right?

The other disturbing thing is that people are assuming that somewhere like Thailand and South Korea are pretty much the same thing. This is so insulting to both Thai people and Koreans who have very different cultures. How are people this ignorant about other countries?

I know it annoys Koreans so much when people assume South Korea is some third world country. People who can’t think of one single thing they know about Korea while they watch their Samsung TV and then go drive their Kia car. While it’s easy to laugh at strangers who don’t know, it’s much sadder when it’s a good friend who is ignorant. Like a friend of my family who thought Japan was the capital city of China… even though my brother has been living in Japan for several years.

I really hope this changes. It is quite embarrassing how little some Australians know about the Asian region even though we are right next to it.

I’m sorry we don’t look like what we do in the comics… (I dyed my hair darker for the wedding as well).

All photos taken by Sheer Image Photography.

I asked my friends on Facebook this question and some said “Big Bang without a doubt.” Haha… Good thing they weren’t the ones marrying my husband…

Also, now I’m waiting to see if they will come to Australia! YG is slowly announcing cities and dates but haven’t heard anything about Australia…

I think I’m smiling through the pain in the above photo! It was not at all comfortable and it was a hot day.

The crown is called a jokduri. It was worn by married women on formal days and for wedding days. At the end of the Joseon Dynasty these were very popular and quite extravagant. They are made with black silk, padded with cotton and decorated with embroidery and other accessories. In modern Korea you are only likely to see them at a traditional wedding ceremony.

Originally they were created by Mongolian women for when they went outside. The Korean version is smaller than the original Mongolian version.

The red dots are called yeonji gonji and they can either be drawn or painted on or be cut out pieces of paper that are stuck on. Mine were literally red stickers! Red is believed to protect against evil so the red dots on a bride’s cheeks are believed to protect her from evil spirits.

I also had fake eyelashes on. The makeup artist told me that fake eyelashes are very important in a Korean wedding ceremony but I don’t think that is tradition!

Right from the beginning we wanted to have a traditional Korean wedding. We had already had a western wedding in Australia but we were yet to marry in Korea and in the traditional Korean way. We thought it would be a good experience and I wanted to respect my husband’s culture by doing it. We knew we’d have to have at least two weddings anyway because our families live in different countries.

However, Koreans don’t really have these type of weddings anymore. They have a version of a western wedding (though still quite different to what we expect in western countries) and then if they do anything traditional all they do is dress in traditional costume and do a quick ceremony in a room after their wedding.

Our wedding however, went for over two hours! Because Koreans don’t really do this traditional wedding anymore even my husband’s family weren’t sure exactly what was supposed to happen. Most of my Korean friends said they had never attended a traditional wedding before.

The day started quite similar to my Australian wedding day with hours of hair and makeup. Things started to seem different though when the woman from the traditional wedding company put makeup on my husband! And I don’t just mean a bit of concealer… he had pink lipstick and mascara too.

We knew we were already running late but I was horrified to see that when we got to Jinju Castle that all the guests were already there. The woman from the company wasn’t even sure where to go. I had friends calling out to me as I was rushed to a van and I felt that it was so strange that they were seeing me in jeans and a shirt because I thought shouldn’t they first see me when I’m in traditional wedding hanbok?

I was rushed to a bathroom and was dressed quickly in my hanbok and then taken back to the van parked near where the outside ceremony would be and my head pieces were put on. While this is happening many of the guests gathered around and took photos. This was bizarre to me because in western weddings you are in hidden from guests (and get ready in a nice hotel or house usually, not at the back of a van) and there is the big reveal as you walk down the isle. That is also why I’m not really a fan of the Korean way of western weddings where before the actual wedding they do a photoshoot in their wedding clothes or sometimes a bunch of hired ones and these photos of them already in wedding attire is put on invitations. I’ve grown up knowing that the moment when a bride enters the church or venue in her wedding dress is an important moment. It’s a big reveal and when everyone gets to see the dress for the first time.

I tried to remind myself that this is a different culture as flashes went off in my face and a large stick was forced through my hair. I could feel the stress rising in me- which my husband could see and he held my hand and reassured me.

Because this type of traditional wedding is not really done much these days people weren’t really sure what was supposed to happen. Only the few people from the wedding company knew. There had not been any rehearsal or instructions given prior. Directions were barked at me in fast paced Korean and I really could not understand. One of my friends was close by translating but it was still so difficult.

I knew I was going to be carried in by four guys in a box. Actually it is a litter or called a gama in Korea I think. I was so happy to see the guys who were to carry me as they were friends (and some have been in some of my comics). But then I was told to get into the gama by the wedding company woman. I thought the top of the box opened or something but actually I had to squeeze backwards through the opening! The wedding company woman demonstrated and instructed me in Korean. I clumsily managed to get in. My hands were hidden in my sleeves with a long piece of fabric over them. As I sat in the box not being able to use my hands I felt my nose getting runny! In a panic I racked my brain for the Korean words for “tissue” and “nose” and luckily I was understood and the woman wiped my nose for me. (Poor her!)

Waiting for it to start

The photos I have are just snapshot friends took as don’t have official photos yet. In the above photo I’m smiling but inside I was terrified.

I could hear the drums playing and soon the gama was lifted into the air and we followed the musicians and my husband in a chair gama which was also carried by four guys. It was very surreal. I knew I was supposed to keep my hands in the sleeves and somewhat covering my face, but I wasn’t sure how much. The box rocked back and forth and felt unstable but luckily I trusted these guys to not drop me.

When the procession stops I’m helped out and down the steps to where the wedding takes place. The gown is difficult to walk in and luckily two women who know my husband’s mother have been enlisted to help me.

Things then became very difficult. The sun was hot and I felt sure it was melting away my makeup, fake eyelashes and red dots. The ceremony starts and I understand nothing. The two women sit by me and help me but they speak no English so my friend is behind us trying to translate. I can see my husband on the other side of the table as we are made to drink from little cups and hold up things for the ritual. The biggest problem was the big bow. I’ve never had to do this before but during the ceremony I had to do it many times. The women were there to help but I felt so clumsy.

The women helping me

There were so many people crowded around and there was no sense of seating- people stood so close to the front. Because it’s a public area there were tourists too. I think some did not realise this was a real wedding ceremony and not a reenactment! At one point I look up from where I was seated and see a man right at the front answer his phone and loudly saying “YA! YA! YA!” I remember looking at him in disbelief. I wasn’t sure if he was a family member or a random person but later when I’d met all extended family I realised he was not someone we knew. I didn’t mind tourists watching but I found that to be incredibly rude and if I didn’t have to be the docile bride I would have given him a piece of my mind!

Once we had completed the ceremony and things were read, my mother had given my husband’s mother a wooden duck, we had bowed low to both sets of parents and two live chickens were tossed (and luckily caught) we thought things were over.

We were wrong. Then the photos had started. The sun was hot and I had not drunk anything except sips of alcohol for hours. The photos seemed to go on forever and the photographers were so particular about how we stood or sat. My husband whispered to me several times about how difficult it was. I think he was having a worse time than I was. At least as a woman I’ve been made to stand still in elaborate clothing before. I could endure it. He was dying from the heat in his clothes and his hat kept falling back. Our clothes had to be constantly fixed to look good in the photos.

After many many photos we thought surely this must be over now. No, there was more ceremony! Things luckily got a bit easier though, or maybe I was just getting used to it. We poured alcohol for family members and bowed low to the ground. They then put money on the little table for us. There were some more funny things like passing jujube to each other with our mouths and then my husband carrying me around on his back.

Passing jujube with our mouths. The closest thing to kissing in the ceremony.

The whole time I had no idea how I actually looked. I had not seen myself in a mirror. I felt hot and sweaty and so exhausted. I was sure that I must look terrible. But when it was all over and we went to a restaurant with guests for lunch I saw some of the photos and realised how bright and colourful it looked! It looked wonderful. We haven’t even seen the official photos yet but even the snapshots look amazing. I had no idea. Though my husband thinks he looks like an idiot. He does look very not like himself. Maybe modern clothes suit him more.

I would never go through it all again but now I feel like it was worth it. I wish more Koreans had weddings like this too. If you are marrying a Korean I recommend doing it. In hindsight it was amazing and I’m really happy to have that cultural experience.