Intercultural Life

Tag: cultural differences (Page 4 of 4)

But what about cultural differences?

We get asked this question sometimes and it’s only natural that it does come up. Relationships can be hard even with someone from your own country, and who speaks the same first language as yours, so how do you make it work when you are both from different countries and have different native languages?

Well we have some advantages:
–  my husband is from a younger generation that is very exposed to western culture. I think there would be a lot more issues about being with a western woman for someone of his father’s generation.
–  my husband has traveled around a lot, enjoys discovering new cultures and interacting with all types of people
–  before I met him I’d already had a lot of exposure to Korean culture, which meant I wasn’t working through my own prejudices and ideas with him- I’d already been adjusting my views and trying to understand more about Korean culture before I met him.

As with every relationship, communication is very important. How do we communicate with each other when we grew up speaking different languages? His speaking English skills are quite good but my speaking Korean skills are beginner. However, being constantly aware of communication helps us because we immediately try to understand what the other person is trying to say and trying to see their perspective instead of jumping to conclusions or getting upset or defensive.
When we had some premarriage sessions with my hometown pastor he commended us on using our cultural and communication differences to our advantage instead of just letting them hinder us. So that’s advice I would give: take the disadvantages and work hard to make them help your relationship.

One of our sayings is “It’s not wrong, it’s just different” when one of us may not like or understand something in the other’s culture. We make sure we never say “That’s wrong” or “That’s stupid” about a cultural difference.

When you have problems in your relationship with someone from a different culture it is easy to blame the culture when things go wrong. I’ve done that in the past. My husband was not the first Korean man I dated. In a previous relationship with a Korean man- when it all fell apart I came to the conclusion that ‘He is too Korean’ and that’s why it didn’t work.
Actually it was just that we were not compatible and had different goals etc. But it is easy to fall into the trap of blaming culture.
At the same time though, some things will be related to culture and you do have to try understand it. But if both of you are trying to find the middle ground things will go a lot smoother.

Why this blog?

The idea for this blog first came about when I was idly googling things. About to marry a Korean man, I typed in ‘Korean Husband’. I was shocked at how many negative things came up! There didn’t seem to be anything very positive. What frustrated me was the way things were categorized as ‘Korean Culture’ or ‘that’s how Korean men are’. I found these blanket statements to be quite wrong. A bad experience with a Korean man is more likely to do with his personality and not actually the cultural differences. Just because one person has done something does not mean that everyone of the same nationality does the exact same thing.

My husband and I had been talking about writing a book on and off for a little while. We had an idea to do something together but we weren’t sure exactly what. We knew there were so many things to talk about when two cultures come together, but we wanted it do be positive. The name “My Korean Husband” seemed most natural as it would be in English, for a western audience. It was a name my husband thought suited this project best.

So how do we know what is a real cultural difference and something that is just personality? You have to look deeper, you have to study more, you have to observe more, you have to put aside your own preconceptions. Unfortunately there are probably many people who have entered marriages without ever trying to understand the person they are marrying and their culture.

I was at some advantage because I already had an interest in Korean culture before I met my husband. There is something about Koreans and Korean culture that is immensely fascinating. It gets under your skin and yet at the same time it can be extremely frustrating. Just when you think you’ve made huge progress in understanding it- something else pops up and throws you off balance.

In the preface of his book ‘The Koreans’ Michael Breen discusses this. He mentions how once you become involved in Korea it starts to feel like it is the centre of the world.

“Korea has that effect on you. Its people are so drastic, so passionate, and the twentieth-century issues they have thrashed around with – colonialism, communism, political violence, war, industrial development, democracy, human rights – seem so important, it is easy to forget that Koreans are not well known.” (Breen 2004)

This was written in 1998 (revised 2004) and since then Korean culture has started to become more known, especially in the Asia region though also in some western countries, due to its music, dramas and food. However, the average person still does not know that much about Korea. This is partly due to its location.

“Koreans feel small, because they live amid giants. Their geopolitical neighbors are China, Japan, Russia and America, who between them have done to Korea just about every nasty thing that can be done to a smaller country. The Koreans learned to roll up into a ball and let themselves be kicked in order to survive.” (Breen 2004)

Is this blog all about politics and history though? Not really, though some things will touch on it. Instead this is about a celebration of Korean culture. South Korea has achieved so much in only half a century. What is it like to be Korean now? How is Korean culture spreading through the world? What is it about these expressive people that draw you in? What is it like to be married to a Korean man? What is it like for a Korean man living in a western country like Australia? What is it like as a native English speaker to learn the Korean language? Music, film, food? This is what this blog is about.

… and about drawing cute pictures.

 

Breen, M 2004, The Koreans, Thomas Dunne Books, New York

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